Sometimes mothers say, “I don’t feel like myself.”
And that sentence matters.
It can mean many things.
It can mean exhaustion.
It can mean nutrient depletion.
It can mean nervous system burnout.
It can mean loneliness.
It can mean postpartum depression or anxiety.
Sometimes, it can mean all of these things at once.
Postpartum depression is real, serious and deserving of proper support. It can show up as persistent sadness, loss of interest, hopelessness, rage, anxiety, difficulty bonding, changes in sleep or appetite, or thoughts of harming yourself. The CDC notes that depression is common and treatable, and it’s important to seek care if you think you may be experiencing it.
Postpartum depletion is different, although it can overlap.
Depletion is the slow emptying of the mother.
It can happen after pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, stress and months or years of being the emotional centre of the household.
It often feels like:
I am exhausted but wired.
I cannot think clearly.
I am more anxious than I used to be.
I am losing hair.
I feel weak.
I am constantly craving sugar or coffee.
I am touched out.
I feel like I have no reserves left.
The tricky part is that depletion can make mood symptoms worse.
A mother who is underfed, underslept, mineral-depleted and unsupported is not going to feel emotionally steady. Her nervous system is doing its best with very little fuel.
This is why mothers need layered care.
Sometimes they need a doctor.
Sometimes they need blood tests.
Sometimes they need therapy.
Sometimes they need medication.
Sometimes they need iron, protein, minerals, herbs, sleep and someone to cook dinner.
Often, they need more than one thing.
At Mother Moon, we never believe in brushing off maternal mental health as “just hormones” or “just tiredness.”
But we also believe we need to look at the whole mother.
Her body.
Her blood.
Her sleep.
Her food.
Her support.
Her nervous system.
Her grief.
Her identity.
Her village.
Because a mother is not a symptom.
She is a whole person asking to be heard.
**And I always come back to this photo of me, 2.5 years into motherhood and deep in the darkest depths of postpartum depression.
I remember going to doctors and being laughed at because I looked “normal.”
But postpartum depression doesn’t always look the way people expect it to.
Sometimes it looks like a mother who is still showing up every day.
A mother who is smiling in photos.
A mother who is caring for her children, running a business, making meals, attending playdates and replying to messages.
Sometimes the suffering is completely invisible.
Many mothers become experts at hiding just how much they are struggling.
This is why we need to stop judging maternal mental health by appearances alone.
Because behind the smile, the functioning, the productivity and the “she seems fine” can be a woman barely keeping her head above water.
If you’re in that place right now, please know this: you do not have to look broken to deserve support.
And if you’re struggling, please reach out. Send me an email at nourish@mothermoon.co.za. I may not be the right person to support you directly, but I can help connect you with someone in your area who can.
You were never meant to carry this alone.